Divorce Attorney & Mediator

Disputes are a normal part of family life. Over time, people in relationships develop complex plays and defenses that make sense to them and that help them get what they want. My play might run into your defense, or might just irritate you after a while, and then we end up arguing. In the argument, each of us has a story that makes sense to us, and each believes our actions are justified.

In order for disputes to lead to problem solving, we have to understand what each of us wants at a more fundamental level. We have to simplify, so we can negotiate. Right now we are arguing about who is going to pick up our son from the track meet, because each of us has a complex story about how the other is not doing their fair share of parenting work. But at a more fundamental level, one party might be happy to do the job, if they can just get some respect and some acknowledgement that they have a lot going on, or some offer to relieve them from some other task that they really don’t like. Such a deal won’t resolve all of our underlying tensions or bring our different stories about one another into harmony, but it will make it easier to work together.

At Syringa, we believe that a mediator helps parties simplify and negotiate. It is as though each party has tied so many knots on top of the initial knot, that they cannot see clearly what the initial knot is. A mediator listens and looks for that initial knot and helps the parties negotiate a way to address it and loosen it up.

The mediator can also help keep the negotiation clean, setting clear parameters (like honesty) and helping each side bring out and address fundamental needs. A fair negotiation will build trust and lay a foundation for future negotiations.